Greetings!
This is Swineflu Avenger, aka: The Gas Mask Jogger. I am an aspiring amateur athlete, physical fitness enthusiast and pseudo-performance artist; born, raised and currently living in New York City. It is my wish to promote the simple, common gas mask as the most awesomest physical fitness tool since hominids were first chased up trees by saber-toothed tigers.
I have been continuously running in the streets of New York City with a gas mask since Fall of 2008. I had initially started in the Summer of 2001, but overzealous training using the “no pain, no gain” philosophy led me to severe injury from which it would take years to recover. That however, is another story.
My personal fitness goal is to be able to run marathon distances (26.2 miles or more) wearing a gas mask, flak jacket, Kevlar helmet while carrying a ten pound baton– and maybe set a record or two along the way. I am progressing toward completing my goal, but the closer I get, the farther away it seems. You know, like that weird camera effect in scary movies when someone realizes something and it gets all, like, weird and stuff.
The closest I’ve come so far to achieving this was on Sunday October 10th, 2010, when I ran the “Staten Island Half-Marathon” with all the gear in the morning, and ran almost the same distance in Central Park later that day.
Shy of my big goal, some other notable runs I’ve done thus far are…
Saturday May 22, 2010, I completed the “Brooklyn Half-Marathon” in NYC while wearing a gas mask, flak jacket, Kevlar helmet and carrying a ten pound baton. It took me 2 hours, 36 minutes and 59 seconds. It earned me my first Guinness World Record, although only for “Fastest Half-Marathon in a Gas Mask”. The other equipment did not play a factor in setting the record.
Sunday July 25th, 2010, San Francisco, CA. I completed the “San Francisco Marathon” in the gas mask alone, without too much problem. It took me 5 hours, 4 minutes and 6 seconds. It earned me my second Guinness World Record. To my knowledge I was the first person to ever receive a world record for running a full marathon in a gas mask.
Sunday September 26th, 2010, New York, NY. I ran the “Fifth Avenue Mile” in gas mask alone. A one-mile run, it took me 5 minutes, 54 seconds. For this I had my first world record with Universal Record DataBase.
Sunday October 10th, 2010, Staten Island, NY. I ran the “Staten Island Half-Marathon”– 13.1 miles in 2 hrs, 17 min & 45 sec, with gas mask, flak jacket, Kevlar helmet & 10 lb baton. This earned me my second world record with URDB.
Sunday October 31st, 2010, Washington D.C. I ran the “Marine Corps Marathon” with gas mask, flak jacket and Kevlar helmet. My time was 5 hrs, 34 min & 13 sec. and earned me my third record with URDB.
Saturday November 20th, 2010, I completed the “Knickerbocker 60K” ultra-marathon in NYC in gas mask alone. 37.2 miles, it took me 8 hours, 18 minutes and 47 seconds. For this I have my fourth world record with URDB for “Longest Distance Ever Run While Wearing a Gas Mask.”
On Sunday September 25th, 2011, I ran the “ING New York Marathon Tune-Up” wearing my gas mask alone. I completed the 18 mile course in 3 hours, 26 minutes and 41 seconds. This gave me my fifth record with Record Setters the record-keeping group formerly known as URDB.
Whatever it may look like, I am not a highly trained, nor particularly skilled athlete. The times I’ve set in my records are at best remarkably average, even though I was wearing a gas mask. I like having established these records, making most of them accessible to more average runners like myself to be able to beat. I take great pride in being a total hack — a DIY amateur, albeit a motivated one. I LOVE running around in a gas mask, but I have no special talent for running. I’m barely disciplined enough make it to the end of the day. I only ever put in the absolute bare minimum amount of training needed to get the job done — and no more. In fact, I am the laziest person I know. Even when not doing so in a gas mask and military gear, I don’t run very fast, nor have ever tried too hard to do so.
It is only through the help of my two good friends PATIENCE and PERSEVERANCE that I have been able to train the way I have. With their help, and a little motivation, I am convinced that anyone — oh, but anyone — is capable of wearing a gas mask and running around a little bit, thereby benefiting their health in ways hardly imaginable.
Read further if you like, and I’ll tell you everything I know about running with a gas mask.
Peace & Love,
-Swineflu Avenger
**All contents of this blog, including original, specialized terminology regarding gas mask training are trademarked & copyrighted by New Whitey/First Civilian Division, 2011.**
Swineflu Avenger 